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My name shouldn't matter... 🦋 and yet...

Updated: Jun 7, 2021

My name shouldn't matter,

I'm told it means 'Painted Beauty'

And i don't know if that is directed towards me,

Or if it is the perception i am viewed by.

'Painted Beauty' gives the impression of a façade -

Do i still hide behind a mask?

After all these years..?

Speaking of 'years' -

My age shouldn't matter,

But i am old enough to drive, vote and fall in love.

I am old enough to have a job, travel abroad -

And i know what it means to lay in bed night after night after night -

Because i know the depth of the word 'goodbye'.

I really wouldn't matter -

Except for the fact that..

I have a handful of friends,

But a heart full of people i consider more than that.

I really don't have a label for all of them,

Because -

Some are my soul mates - in the sense that they have changed my life,

Some are the loves of my life - in a sense that i do not know any form of love deeper than what i feel for them,

Some are my heroes - in a sense that they have saved my life, over and under and in between all the cracks,

And some have become all of them rolled into one.

I have not created anything grand,

I have not sculpted a masterpiece,

Or painted something in a brilliant way,

Nor have i created any tangible form of beauty -

But i hope to.

I hope to create with my hands

And build up all the things that i have attempted to tear down,

I hope to love with a force that is indescribable -

That can always, ALWAYS be justified and never doubted,

And cannot just be admired with the human eye,

But with every sense.

This isn't necessarily as much about me,

As it is about you,

But i have been broken - bruised,

Shattered into a million tiny pieces

And yet I know..

You don't have to lose yourself to find yourself -

Don't you dare believe that lie.

You don't have to break someone else -

To know what it means to be put back together.

We matter -

Tune out the haters and all the white noise -

And you'll see..

The right people appreciate us,

And it is these few who will tell you,

It really IS going to be ok.

Just smile - and keep going.

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