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"God is On the Bathroom Floor"

Updated: Jul 13, 2021

by Jane Marczewski ("Nightbirde")

I saw a post shared by one of my Facebook friends of Nightbirde singing - and the entire performance was amazing - and brought so much emotion to the forefront, because of the story behind the song.

Love these words penned by singer/songwriter, Nightbirde - who was given a 2% chance of survival by her doctors, after being diagnosed with cancer, not one, but three times.

Read her words about her journey, below:

I don't remember most of autumn,

Because I lost my mind late in the summer

And for a long time after that -

I wasn't in my body.

I was a light bulb buzzing somewhere afar.

After the doctor told me I was dying,

And after the man I married said he didn't love me anymore,

I chased a miracle in California

And sixteen weeks later, I got it.

The cancer was gone.

But when my brain caught up with it all,

Something broke.

I later found that all the tragedy at once

Had caused a physical head trauma,

And my brain was sending false signals

of excruciating pain and panic.

I spent three months propped against the wall.

On nights that I could not sleep,

I laid in the tub like an insect,

Staring at my reflection in the shower knob.

I vomited til I was hollow.

I rolled up under my robe on the tile.

The bathroom floor became my place to hide,

Where I could scream and be ugly;

Where I could sob and spit and eventually doze off,

Happy to be asleep,